onebuckapplepie

我很想知道，妈咪，你已前到底是迮么做到的？一个人扛起这个家，所有的压力，所有的病痛，所有的辛苦，你一个人迮样承担？
你在工做上的威屈，受的气，都没和任何人分享，一定很辛苦吧？

如果你还在我们身边就好。妈咪，请你教我该如何好，我很辛苦，压力也很大。只有你才会明白。妈咪，我很想念你。真的！

Just want to say what is inside me, and it can be summed up by this phrase " Sometimes u just dont know what to say, because what u really want to say is something which you can't say. Cant use words to describe it. "

My father emphasize today again that he want to sell away the house. He already mentioned it once before, but I did not teat it seriously. Today, he brought it up again, so I assume, he is really serious into it. Honestly, this matter really bothers me alot alot. My main concern is whether what will our life be when this house is sold. I lost my family, literally, physically and mentally, It's all gone. Perhaps, this is something which u guys can't seems to understand, no matter how hard ur try to. If my brothers and I really have to stay with my grandmother, I dont mind, though we know she will be naggy, and being overly concern on everything that we do. But, what about my Father? I dont know if he really able to abandon us like that, I dont know how is his life gonna be, where will he be staying? what if his gourt act up and having problems walking, how is he going to travel out to buy food and stuff?

I know that Choo has been giving me with a lot of solutions, providing me with different scenarios and answers to this. But, all these emotional issue is not easy as u think. As u said, dont get sucked into it, I really dont know how u guys will react if u were in my shoes.

Now, Im trying to pick myself up from where i fall in work. Trying to get myself moving. Now with this issue coming in, its very draining to me. I felt so ' xin suan ' that my own biological father can just bear to throw us aside like that. Wont he get worried? Wont he care?
Why cant we just have a normal family? why is it so hard?

Just a brief updates on recent happenings. Work has been pretty smooth for me, although sometimes there may be a lil hiccups along the way, which is necessary for us to grow, but generally I feel it is still considered quite okay. I am trying to re-connect with the people that I know, be it in facebook or those name list in my cell phone, just hoping to find some 'coincidence' here and there that may actually create opportunities in my biz. Like what SJ had mentioned to me before, if u are a fighter,then u must fight everythingthat comes your way, EVERYTHING! Well, he's a very nice manager to be honest. :)

Strolling and browsing thru my facebook just now, found out that some of my friend that is still in NS are doing pretty well in there. Some already commissioned, some on the way to it, some soon to be ORD. Felt very happy for those whose dream can come true, those that hope to be in OCS, now actually in there. Well, hope u can achieve your dreams soon andI believe u will do v well inside.

Recently keep frequent the east side, been to tamp mall, pasir ris. Kind of miss the place actually, but unknowingly it will brings back memories. In fact, those memories is something which I really treasure alot. Still trying v hard to put down the giant stone in me, it is seriously not easy.

Well, all in all, just wanna wish everyone to be happy and soar high in career, be healthy & wealthy!

I prayed today before I left home. S.J said, ask and u shall be given. Perry said, u have to believe and faith, and believe that miracle will happen. So, today, I asked 'him' for help, asked to be blessed, and believe that 'he' will create miracles and 'coincidence' for me. Well, today something good did happen, morning i received a msg from a long lost buyer, venice and her hubby seems to set their mind on one house already, and last but not least, Choo manage to get a lead, and secured presentation appointment. It's a gd start I guess.

It's been a while since I last closed a deal. Trust me, it's really a mental torture to still keep yourself alive in this biz. Output every month, no matter whether is there income anot. Alot of times, I wanted to just give up, and find myself a full time job. But it's my pride and ego that pull me back. How can I give up so easily? The game is not over yet, and I certainly dont belong to those player who give up half way thru. Furthermore, I have so many people out there to prove to, how can I let the devil control me?

I keep having the mentality that Im not working hard enough. I am not giving my 200%, not being consistent. Not been doing road show, farming at landed area. A champion should have an action plan, and following closely to it till success, the following closely is the most crucial part which I did not uphold. That's why Im not a champion yet, that also explains why I hasnt been closing.

Can life be better for me? Been fighting for so long, Im seriously v tired. I finally understand how come some woman just live their life off, and marry to those bloody rich & dying old man. When can I have a change of luck, when can I have a better life? Im not waiting, Im creating, but I need some help here, if 'you' are here and can hear me, I asked for your help, Lord.

Happy Birthday to you! May all your wishes come true, may your career soar as high as the sky, may you fly and lead like an eagle in your force, may you be happy and may happiness be always with you!

The unsaid shall always be remained silent. From the bottom of my heart, wish you all the best!
Keep that beautiful smile of yours, keep smiling, stay happy & blessed.

Seems like im back to here again for venting out my inners feels. Which is not my initial purpose of setting up this journal. Recently getting very  easily annoyed and frustrated over just a small issue. Perhaps its due to work? Or is it my own personal problem? Im not clear myself.
Sigh, I got no idea why did i dreamt of him for the past 3 consecutive days. Why? I am trying v hard to not think about it, been working my ass off, but why? And, what a bad timing that one of his buddy added me at facebook. Did it happen for a reason? or was the timing just so coincidence?

Notice myself that i been frowning very often lately. Tat's very bad. So is chiong-ing seafood my new way of de-stressing myself? Still trying to find the outlet for relieving myself.

:(

Mentally exhausted! Lately had been v tiring, work's been going quite smooth, market are picking up, things are speeding up, so I CANT afford to slow down or miss any opportunities that may come knocking at my door. So, I simply can't afford to lose focus.
I've been reminding myself to Stay Focused, and keep reminding myself of my compelling reason. Alot of self-reminder, continuous and tonnes of it keep ringing in my head. When going for Listing presentation, in order to stay calm and not nervous is to keep telling myself, Im going up there to solve their problems. Kind of feel that it works, but trust me, it is very brain exhausting. Phew!!!!

April coming to an end soon, I've still not attained enough result for myself. Guess I have to be really more hard-working, that doesnt mean I must slog and work hard, it means, MORE EFFORT, MORE TIME IN WORK & MORE FOCUSS!! I must work SMART, not hard!
I've becoming more and more proud of myself, because i have come to a stage in life whereby, I dont really need any support from anyone, dont really need to depend on anyone to survive, i dont need and will never need. This fact is being reinforced deeply everyday. Yes, I hv to keep drilling this in my head. Alot of self-motivating and encouraging, as well as constant self-reflection.
MY ACTIONS VS RESULTS. MY RESULTS VS TIME, and TIME VS MONEY.

Being in the sales profession, I seriously agree that it can lead to personal growth and character alteration. It's kind of link i guess. I feel that I've become more ambitious, more competitive and abit less patience. Less patience as in I will not allow myself to waste time on non-income generating activity, also will not tolerate people to waste my precious time, because TIME IS MONEY, and MONEY CAN BUY TIME.

Work has been so far so good, of cos, can be better and i will make it happen. As for personal or family wise, able to iron things out with my brothers, so I hope I am able to maintain it this way. Trying my best here to balance things up, i dont deny the fact that it is really not easy, but I will try my very best. My dearest BBFLs, I have to apologise I may not have time for u girls anytime soon, pls understand my circumstances, I'll definitely make it up if ever I missed the future meet-ups.

One last thing to sum up, these few months have really changed me qt alot, in the way I think and do things. I've grown up, or rather, matured. Come to think of it, it may not be a bad thing, things always happen for a reason.

Still trying hard to move on, but I definitely will do it. My door is shut, need nobody, trust no one.